One of the biggest problems in most relationships is that one tends to view them in absolute terms – when we ‘like’ someone, we assume they are near-perfect and beyond reproach. Conversely, when we don’t like someone, we believe them to be capable of being, doing, saying, wishing the worst.
Fact of the matter is no one person or relationship is perfect all the time. All things, people, relationships, emotions, feelings, thoughts etc go through ups and downs. Like the moon which influences our emotions and minds and a lot more, it also influences our relationships.
As relationships wax and wane we are naturally affected. Our emotions are stirred and often, a lot of old memories rise to the surface. These memories, naturally, stir the pot of old emotions and sometimes, add new ones that often tend to make us judge the people involved in these relationships.
Judgements, in human relationships, usually tend to have negative undertones. That means, there is an undercurrent of hurt, lack of trust, being wronged etc.
The one thing people generally lack is an objective assessment. For most, any objective assessment they are capable of, is destroyed the moment their emotions are stirred.
Often, we ascribe to others, what we believe of ourselves somewhere deep down.
In view of the above, it’s easy to see how colored our own perspectives of others can be.
Under these circumstances, our interactions with each other become like a teller depositing karmic memories into our accounts. The more emotions we invest in these interactions, the more karmic synapses are created.
Instead of freeing ourselves of earlier karmic accounts, we create some more. And, therein lies one of the greatest reasons why we tend to be stuck with same kinds of repetitive situations and experiences.
If we begin to see that no one is always the same, just as we are not always the same, our expectations of our friends and relatives will, hopefully, be more tempered and realistic. This way we will not be hurt or affected by their actions as easily as we normally might be.
All we need to understand is that everyone, regardless of our perspectives and views about them, whether we like them or dislike them or are indifferent to them, they are humans who respond to their unique set of influences. Depending on their unique experiences, they may sometimes be good, helpful, kind, friendly, affectionate or otherwise with us without being absolutely our ‘friends’ or ‘well-wishers’ or ‘enemies’ or ‘ill-wishers’!
After all, no one, including we ourselves are perfect with anyone all the time. We may love someone yet do things to hurt them, knowingly or unknowingly. And, so can they!
All relationships are a mixed bag. Each time we dip our hands into a bag of experiences, we should be ready to pull out a surprise…a new experience!
No one needs to live by our rules and expectations just as we don’t need to live by anyone other’s!
– rajyogi (rajesh kanoi)
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